well, seems i did snap back. i heard from western psych, they offered me the job yesterday. i accepted it today. it's not what i want to be doing. my hope though is that it will get me one step closer, and that God will use me while i'm there and keep renewing me as i face the ongoing frustration of being bivocational. i'm feeling a lot better, my car isn't. as soon as i can bring myself to do it, i'm taking it in to find out what's wrong.
tonight i sat around a table with three of my brothers. it was a conversation of ministry leadership i was not looking forward to, nor did i feel the authority to make the decisions we were facing. this is what business looks like within an intentional community, how awkward. the words of dan kept running through my head, "shouldn't it be easier than this?" but at the same time, i want to be real about what we're looking at. i want to work through this stuff with the attention it deserves and not sweep it all under the rug and avoid communication and confrontation for a false sense of something being "organic" and "easy." one of the cornerstone lessons i've experienced from being apart of threenails is that life is messy, relationships are messy and that's OKAY. not only is it okay, it's the way things should be. what we faced tonight is messy, and there were questions still left unanswered. but the overwhelming feeling? grace. discernment. love.....grace.
okay, so we don't have all the answers. okay, so we almost always have more questions. still...i'm confident that this is exactly what it's supposed to look like, and i hope we always have more questions than answers... so we're never under the wrong impression of why we're doing this and who we're doing this for. tonight i walked away in peace from my "uncomfortable" meeting and so encouraged to be working with these men, with a collective dependence on our Father to keep walking ahead of us and to keep breaking our hearts for this city.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment