the conversation between head and heart...and Him.

i drove home tonight through the streets of pittsburgh. weaving through the downtown nightlife, it backdropped what was unfolding in my head. thoughts were weighing on my mind and heart and the two had no idea what the hell to say to each other. i circled through the names in my cell phone, wondering who i could call at this hour that would have something to contribute to what i was wrestling with. would [insert name here] be up? would i want to know what they had to say? caught in trying to custom-make the response i was looking to receive, i stopped at a red light.

stop kelly.

will you go to everyone with this before me? child, have you not seen that no fruit comes from this? why do you not seek me first with something that is mine to begin with? draw near child, i do long to give you rest.


so i started talking. praying. i told him everything i was afraid to say out loud for fear i would hear it myself and then have to face it. i told him i was sorry. i told him i want his will to be done and i want to seek him first. there is no fruit that comes from relying on the validation of others' subjective opinions, which is different i think than listening to what your brothers and sisters have to say and bringing it before him.

the idea of life being a walk of realizing how less and less like christ you are and desiring more and more to be becomes a little clearer to me with each day.

and then. when i was done talking, the hard part came. i sat. and waited. and listened.

rest inevitably followed. and peace was mine to undeservingly take for the night.