yes, that is a john mayer lyric but forgive me, it's the first thing that came to my head. i've felt like i've been in the desert for a while, trying desperately to hear Him but just not quite making out His voice or at least what He's saying to me.
on sunday i wrote an e-mail to a friend saying that i felt like i was on the upswing again. i was starting to hear Him better - hearing words of salvation, grace, unconditional love and i felt myself being drawn nearer to Him, falling in love with Him again, i could hardly believe it, how beautiful it was and how much i missed it. so what happens after i write that e-mail? my bed breaks. my dog gets sick. i get sick. things go wrong at work and i feel at the end of my rope with a job from which i have no clear place to go, and a conversation with my mom saying i should probably forget ever trying to pursue photography and ministry for a career because it's financially irresponsible and i'd never make it. AND, my roommate tells me she wants to move out and move back in with her parents because she can't live with me anymore, and i'm thrown back into the path of being self destructive. all in the course of a day! when i opened my mouth did i give satan an open invitation to come in? because if i did, i certainly didn't mean to. goodness, he moves quickly.
Father, please, take heed and fight with me. i don't want to go losing You again.
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